Sam

 I found Sam Thursday morning on the floor of our exercise room at 9:30am. Our morning routine was “off” but it didn’t make sense why until I got back from dropping kids off at school. He wakes at 4:30am for personal worship, 12 Step Study, and exercise. He would make green smoothies downstairs in the basement (because the blender is loud) and leave them on the kitchen table for the kids. Then he’d have 2 boiled eggs with his “secret green sauce” waiting for me.

That morning when we were ready to leave, nothing was in the kitchen but the lights downstairs were on so I knew he was downstairs. I figured he would be rushing upstairs any minute and I took Abi and Joshua to school without our breakfast.

When I returned, 20 minuets later, his truck was still in the garage and my heart knew something was wrong. I went into the house and nothing had changed. Still no smoothies or eggs, and no smell of freshly showered Sam. The lights downstairs were still on. I listened at the top of the stairs for any hints of what he was doing, but the silence was too much. I walked away and into to the living room and mindlessly began fluffing the couch pillows, hoping he would appear. I knew things weren’t right but I didn’t want to face the reasons why.

“Go check on him” I told myself. Instead, I checked on Jadon. He just entered the play room and found the ipad. I knew he would stay put if he was playing with it so I went back to the stairs.

Sam was definatly late for work by now, but I tried to think of some reasons why he could be taking the morning off. Too bad our conversation was rushed lastnight. Maybe he would have told me he had the. morning off or something?
As I turned the corner in the basement I could see the lights were on in the exercise room and I could hear a motor running. He was in there. Either he was on his bike or the treadmill. I heard a voice warn but comfort me by saying

"Ember, this is going to be hard."

A serge of adrenaline and dread filled my body. Before I even got to the door I saw him in my mind on the floor. I already knew where he was and that he was gone.

"When you open the door he will be on the floor. Go to the treadmill and turn it off then go to him"

I pushed through the door and saw exactly what God had prepped me for. He was on the floor alongside his bike and the treadmill still going at full speed at his feet.

The noise was so loud I ran to it first and yanked the emergency cord then turned to Sam. He was turned onto his left side.

Do CPR" the voice said "It's not going to work but keep going."

I saw Sams phone on the floor but pulled mine from my pocket. I dialed 9-11, put it on speaker and set it down. As it rang I tugged on Sams right shoulder trying to roll him onto his back. He didn't move on my first try. He was cold and heavy. I noticed his earbuds were in and I pulled the right one out and felt sad he might of had music blasting in his ears all this time. The emergency dispatcher answered just as I lifted his shirt and removed his heart monitor and gave a bigger tug getting him on his back.

I told him I just found my husband on the floor in our excericse room and he wasn't breathing.

"Does anyone there know CPR?" He asked.

"yes, I do." I answered through sobs.

"Great. We're going to do this together until help arrives ok. I'm going to count and you apply compressions on my count. Stay with my count. You don't need to think about anything else but applying firm compressions to my counting. Ready...1,2,3,4,...

He began counting and I started compressions.

Sam and I had practiced this on each other during our CERT meetings several years ago. I knew what to do, but I couldn't do it right even with him counting. I was too slow. When I looked down at Sam I lost my rhythm. His eyes were open, his lips and around his eyes were purple. Except for his coloring, he looked exactly like I found him when he passed out 10 days eariler. He had the exact same blank expression with open eyes, except this time he is purple around his lips and eyes When I pushed he felt hollow. I knew it was too late. I knew it wasn't working but I went through the motions for 5 minutes with the disbatcher chanting numbers in the background. I looked over Sam, searching for something to help this make sense. In this position (him on his back) I notice his phone is arms length away from the right side of his head. He must have stepped off the treadmill, with his phone in his hand, and laid on his back with his hands up by his head. I felt he had been here for awhile, I just didn't know for how long.

"The first responders have arrived" He announces.

"My doors are locked!" I panic.

"don't stop CPR he coaches.

"When I say go, I want you to leave the body and go let them in and they will continue to do CPR for you ok?....ready....Go."

I grabbed my phone off the floor and ran upstairs.

The neighborhood filled with emergency vehicles. I sat on my stairs like a child in timeout crying as they rushed in and out. (I moved Jadon into his bedroom upstairs with the iPad out of the view of everything going on. He didn't experience any stress. This is one time his hyper-focus on the iPad was very helpful)

They worked on him 45 min or more before coming with official news. I already knew it but the formalities of it make me want to throw up. I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even give the ages of my kids or school names.

A Detective sits with me on the stairs to comfort me and asks who he can call to come be with me. I don't want anyone to sit in this with me. I tell him my mom is already on her way but she won't arrive for at least 4 hours. She lives in Southern Utah. I cry harder when I realize I need to call my older kids. Jarom at BYU, Jennica at UVU and Jace on his mission in Santa Rosa CA. He asks if he can call my Bishop for me. Our Bishop is one of Sams close friends. I hate that he will get this phone call. I hate every phone call made that day.