The Room

  Instantly I am awake. I wasn’t sure if there was a noise or a child that woke me up, so I waited to see if something else would happen. I could tell it was still early and that it was going to be a beautiful day.  The East and south windows are the reason this is my favorite  room of the house. The view of the Wasatch Mountains can be seen out both windows and the sunlight  fills the room. I left the curtains open last night for this very reason.  

The prior week Sam was out of town, leaving me home with the kids for 4 days.  Before he left, we decided that while he was gone, I would kick out the 14 year old residing in this coveted room, and make it my own. Turning the room into my own space felt like we had finally cracked to code to marital happiness.  This was the first night I slept in the room.  It was a much needed break.

 I was relieved a child never emerged, it felt a little too early for them to be awake.  I sat up in my bed and laughed at myself.  “Sam is going to love how happy this room is making me.” It’s ridiculous how important my personal space is to my sanity and…us!  Sam had 2 issues with the seperate bedroom idea.  1. He wasn’t supportive if it was the avenue  to “Sleep Divorce” which means married partners sleep in different rooms permanently, for whatever  reason.  I assured him my own room would be better for our marriage than any amount of therapy or anything money could buy. The second issue was: “Why didn’t HE think of this and offer it to me first?!”   He was mad that it was such an obvious solution and wished he would have made it happen years ago.

  I knew Sam was awake, but did he know I was? His alarm is set for 4:30am to get his “personal time.”I figured by this time he had to be a few hours into it. 

I snuggled comfortably and read my scriptures, then moved to the desk and worked on a puzzle I’m trying to complete by the end of the month.  It was like I was on vacation.  Even though the kids were still in bed I felt guilty, like I should be doing something other than wasting time in my room. I busied myself  unpacking the items I bought the night before..  I was excited for Sam to see the final project.  I kept everything hidden from him.  I wanted everything to be in place before he saw any of it.  

Unlike me, Sam is bad at keeping surprises. I know about Christmas, birthdays and Anniversary gifts before he gives them to me. He’ll ask: “Do you want to wait or do you want me to tell you?”  Which almost always ends with: “I can’t wait for you to get it and I want to tell you all about it.” Then he proceeds to tell me why, when, and how it all went down.   It is never just straightforward with Sam. There is always a story about his gifts. The best part is, he is very thoughtful.  He knows what I like- better than I do! And he always gets a deal.  He is a Master Negotiator!!

The concept behind my own room is to provide a place for me to go to recharge; not run away from, or avoid my relationships. When I feel overwhelmed I tend to seek an escape in some way or another. I don’t like being touched and I don’t want to be needed.   I wanted to create a space that would not only be recharging but also inspiring, to help me step back into my family  better and stronger.,   Each piece of decor I chose was spiritual and meaningful to me. As the orders arrived, I was like Sam.  I really wanted to share them, but I held my tongue.  

The first one that arrived is the main focus of the room.  It’s called  “Surrounded by God’s Army.” 

 It reminds me that I am not alone and that I have a personal relationship with God.  (In the center there are 2 people. God and me) He is aware of me and my needs.  My role as a daughter of God, wife, and mother may be challenging at times, but I am surrounded by Earthly angels (the immediate darker gathering ) and Heavenly angels.(The white gathering).

The next piece is called Healed Woman.

 I feel I am this woman.  God performed a miracle on me to show me He can be trusted and people can change.  He healed me from resentment, hate, and an unforgiving heart and it saved our dead marriage.

The next two pieces are scripture reminders that God loves me and all I need to do is love Him back.  Exodus 14:14 and 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

 With everything in place and the sun warming the room, I thanked God for the ridiculous amount of joy the prospect of this room already gave me.  It is going to make all the difference to my sanity.