The Room
Instantly I am awake. I'm not sure if a noise or a child woke me, so I wait. I can tell that it is earlier then my usual wake up time by the light in the room. The East and south windows are letting in the morning light, the reason this is my favorite room of the house. The view of the Wasatch Mountains can be seen out both windows and the sunlight is just beginning to fill the room. I left the curtains open last night hoping for this very result.
A child never emerged. I was relieved. It is too early for them to be awake and too early for me to be awake! I sat up in my bed and laughed at myself. “Sam is going to love how happy this room is making me.” It’s ridiculous how important my personal space is to my sanity and…therefore, us!
Before Sam left last week, we decided that while he is gone, I will evict the 14 year old daughter residing in this coveted room, and make it my own. Mission accomplished! All it took was a little begging, a few convincing comments that Dad was on my side and she can either be defiant (and I'll do it anyway when she is at school) or comply (and a promise to Inn & Out) and the job was done.
One concern Sam had about the idea was; he isn't on board if it is the avenue to “Sleep Divorce.”
"What do you mean sleep divorce?" I ask.
"It means married partners sleep in different rooms." He explained.
"So, if I sleep in a different room it means we are sleep divorcing? I question.
"It does if it's permanent." He clarifies.
"What if we sleep in different rooms and our sex life is better than ever? I challenge.
In my reality, I can see how having my own room would 100% enhance our sex life.
In his reality, I can see why he would think it's the road to "Sleep Divorce."
I assured him my "extra room" is better for our marriage than any amount of therapy or anything money could buy and promised it will not lead to separation.
We struggle with connection. I am an introvert and he is an extrovert. He is very physical and I am easily overstimulated after spending all day with the kids. Sitting alone sounds like paradise to me, but there is not a place for me to go to be alone unless I check into a hotel. So as the days pass I continue to disengage. I feel like I go weeks without getting a recharge and I resent Sam for it and unfortunately our sex life pays the price. It felt like we finally cracked the code to marital happiness.
Sam and I have laughed over this comic for years.
I knew Sam was awake, but did he know I was? His alarm is set for 4:30am on weekdays to get his “personal time.”
I looked at my phone. 6:37am.
By this time he had to be a few hours into it and probably in the basement gym.
I went to the bathroom then jumped back into bed to read a chapter of the Book of Mormon, then I moved to the desk and worked on a puzzle I’m trying to complete by the end of the month.
Even though the kids are still in bed I feel guilty, like I should be doing something other than wasting time in my room, but I know once I walk out the door, my free time is over.
I busy myself by hanging the pictures I had hidden and unrolled the new rugs.
Unlike me, Sam is bad at keeping surprises. I know about Christmas, birthdays and Anniversary gifts before he gives them to me.
He’ll ask: “Do you want to wait or do you want me to tell you?”
Which almost always ends with: “I can’t wait for you to get it and I want to tell you all about it.” Then he proceeds to tell me why, when, and how it all went down. It is never just straightforward with Sam. There is always a story about his gifts. The best part is, he is very thoughtful. He knows what I like- better than I do! And he always gets a deal. He is a Master Negotiator!!
The concept behind my own room is to provide a place for me to go to recharge; not run away from, or avoid my relationships. I wanted to create a space that would not only be recharging but also inspiring, to help me step back into my family responsibilities better and stronger., I wasn't sure Sam understood this part. I sensed he saw it as a necessary escape but I wanted to show him it would be used as a tool to strengthen me! Each piece of decor I chose has spiritual significance. As the orders arrived, I was like Sam. I really wanted to share them, but I held my tongue. This is the part of the room that would be a surprise to Sam, and the most meaningful to me!
The first one that arrived is the main focus of the room. It’s called “Surrounded by God’s Army.”
It reminds me that I am not alone and that I have a personal relationship with God. In the center circle there are 2 people. God and me. I know He is aware of me and my needs. This picture reminds me that my role as a daughter of God, wife, and mother may be challenging at times, but I am surrounded by Earthly angels (the immediate darker gathering ) and Heavenly angels.(The white gathering).
The next piece is called Healed Woman.
I feel I am this woman. In 2021 God performed miracles in our marriage. Because of that I know He knows me.
He healed me from resentment, hate, and an unforgiving heart and it saved us! Our dead marriage was reborn as was I. If ever I have had a "Coming to Jesus moment"...it was like this woman. It only took touching his cloak to be healed. For me, I felt Jesus ask me to hand him my hate. All it took was me agreeing to give it to him, and my life changed and my love toward Sam was beyond anything I ever imagined it could ever be,
The next two pieces are scripture reminders that God loves me and all I need to do is love Him back. Exodus 14:14 and 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
With everything in place and the sun warming the room, I thanked God for the ridiculous amount of joy the prospect of this room already gave me. It is going to make all the difference to my sanity. I knew when Sam saw it he would see this room is created with US in mind, not just an escape for me.
Comments
Post a Comment